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Crapheart: 28 songs to commemorate my divorce

by D.G. Scherrer, the voice that lost its man

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1.
I will howl a howl too heavy to reach the moon I will breathe a breath too cold and weak to see I will sit as still as lead on the corner of this bed And I will sing a song too sad, too sad, too sad to sing in key I will drink a drink too dry to drink to you I will think the thought of how we used to be We used to stay in bed all day, you used to stay I will sing a song too sad tonight, too sad to sing in key I will wish a wish too wishful to come true I will wish to have you sitting next to me I will cry and cry and cry a cry too loud to mean goodbye And I will sing a song too sad, too sad, too sad to sing in key
2.
I loved you 'til the day that we were married And the gears of these years began to grind Now ain't it funny, I already miss you terribly In this lousy world there ain't no peace of mind Empty is that life without you, baby As empty as this life I leave behind Try to do what's right, but it's only maybe In this lousy world there ain't no peace of mind And it's lonely out there, darlin', I remember You gotta bet on any happiness you find And there ain't no seats in heaven for a gambler In this lousy world there ain't no peace of mind There's no one who'll reward you for your wisdom There's no one who will hang you for your crimes Just rattle 'round the prison of your freedom In this lousy world there ain't no peace of mind If I could still cry upon your shoulder If that contract guaranteed your love was mine Would it take away the pain of growing older? In this lousy world there ain't no peace of mind And it's lonely out there, darlin', I remember You gotta bet on any happiness you find And there ain't no seats in heaven for a gambler In this lousy world there ain't no peace of mind
3.
Is there anything so sad as a lady of the night Who gives up her evil ways to walk in the light? Tell me, who'll make my doing wrong feel so right O Lord, give us sinners back our women Now the nightclubs are empty and the glasses are dry And the ladies love Jesus and they can't wait to die Lady, who's gonna love you while you're young and alive? O Lord, give us sinners back our women When the fires fill the heavens and the sky starts to fall And the trumpets say it's closing time once and for all Tell me, who'll be my angel at that very last call? O Lord, give us sinners back our women
4.
Lady, lady, lay me down I pray thy gods of lost and found Amazed by flesh that one so free Should waste herself wrecks like me Mercy sweet and mercy brief Raise me with your grace and grief Lady, lady, hear my plea Waste yourself on a wreck like me Upon that song that soothes the slave I pray thee, lady, make me brave Love me, lady, let me see You waste yourself... Mercy sweet and mercy brief Raise me with your grace and grief Lady, lay me down with thee Waste yourself on a wreck like me
5.
My love will not tell you bedtime stories My love will confess to you its sins I do believe we'll talk our way to glory Way before the world began to spin, there was the word The rain is falling hard, but we fell harder Trading words like coins we earned with hurt Like a man who hires his own killer Just to know once and for all how much this life is worth Don't let me call you angel, I just want to love the woman My heart holds too much heaviness to hold you up there in the heavens Like rain, we pour towards our fate straight from our birth Mine is the love of falling men for the earth I swear to God, I spent my whole life lying I pasted cotton candy 'cross my scars So let's just have that simple salt of crying Let's just tell the terror of who we really are Don't let me call you angel, I just want to love the woman My heart holds too much heaviness to hold you up there in the heavens Like rain, we pour towards our fate straight from our birth Mine is the love of falling men for the earth
6.
Everyone knows you're a nice guy 'Course nobody knows about her She's the game that you deal on the side On that odd weekday night when you say you're at work And sometimes you call her your lady And sometimes you call her your whore And anyway, what's in a name It's just part of the game that you both came here for Well, it ain't like she's in this for marriage And it ain't like she's here for prestige But still, maybe more than just a face card Or some trusty ace that you keep up your sleeve And who knows what finally did it The room or the game or her pride Or the feeling that somehow the house always wins Deal her out, she's a lady tonight And here comes the part where she turns on the light And you try to make nice what you'll never make right 'Cause you came for the game, but she stayed for a fight She's a lady, she's a lady, she's a lady tonight See, tonight she's done dealing with jokers And with nice guys like you, who needs fools? With your smile and your mickey mouse face Keeping her in her place with you keeping your cool And there ain't no one dealing out dignity It's something you steal from the king And tonight your old queen of clubs Shows you just where to shove that old nice guy routine And here comes the part where she turns on the light And you try to make nice what you'll never make right As you call her your angel, but she just takes flight She's a lady, she's a lady, she's a lady tonight
7.
Clumsy Song 02:27
Here is a clumsy song I know the rhythm's wrong But we were waiting, waiting, waiting for it for so long And I guess we're waiting for it still Love is a joke, I think Where timing's everything And we've been waiting for someone to slip on their shoestrings The two lovers laughing where they fell So honey, here's one for the waiting This ridiculous dance we do so well Someday our clumsy love affair might find its footing Or we'll keep clowing 'round until we take our spill Here is a clumsy song I'm sure the words are wrong But we've been waiting, waiting for each other for so long...
8.
I loved you in December, when the sun was soft and gray The silver sheets of light consoled the darkness of the day And I would love to see that beauty now, but the world gets in the way The world gets in the way, the world gets in the way They're marching at the capitol, the righteous and the right The anarchists in blackface and the armies of the night And yes, the people shall be lifted, or at least that's what they say Until the world gets in the way, the world gets in the way And all the choirs of friendly fire are screaming to take the stage For human worth, for peace on earth, for romance and for rage Of course we'd all be Joans of Arc, but for that spark that darks the day And the world gets in the way, the world gets in the way They're still sweeping up the streets at dawn, the crowd has gone away And the papers on the porches speak the darkness of the day Still we will lift our hands to heaven, though the world gets in the way The world gets in the way, the world gets in the way
9.
A boyfriend, a weekend, a chance to be real Whatever you see in that other He offered those gifts that I only could steal Still, didn't we feel just like lovers Sooner or later these labors of love Turn out to be all love of labor Our plans and our promises call their own bluff Still, we used to believe just like lovers And now all those hours are just fistfuls of time Just a tick, just a speck in the clockmaker's eye And we said maybe someday, but we meant goodbye Yes, and we even cried just like lovers I told you be happy, I told you be free What I meant, though, was love me forever I gave you by blessing, best wishes, and see? We even lie just like lovers So lady be resolute, lady shoot straight And lady don't do me no favors Your grief comes too little, your comfort too late And now we even hate just like lovers And it's time we were going, another fistful of time Just a click on the track already passing behind And we said maybe someday, but we meant goodbye Yes, and we even cried just like lovers would cry Yes, and we even cried just like lovers would cry Yes, and we even cried just like lovers
10.
The dawn dried your eyes with a sign from above He sent out the raven, it came back a dove He says, "The cage doors are open, we both served our time You gave me your punishments, now I give you my crime" Seems like you spent these years waiting for him to stop holding back It's like he moved in with something that he never unpacked He says, "I'm sorry dear lady, I think we both thought I would come 'round eventually, but it seems I would not" He says, "I'm sorry dear lady, I'm weak with my will You gave me your throne, but I could not sit still You gave me your bed, but I could not find rest I'm sorry dear lady, I gave it my best" Well, you know he's been lying, but you're not sure just when What he's saying here this morning, or what he said way back then He says, "A man makes a promise, at some point it breaks And he can't tell on which end he made his mistakes" He says, "I'm sorry dear lady, I failed you, I know I should have left early, but I just couldn't go" Too late to be right, too old to be strong He says, "I'm sorry dear lady, I love you too long"
11.
We Only Do 05:00
There ain't no good that ever came of thinking Thinking just makes murders from every footstep on the staircase Today I thought about you constantly Until I thought you were killing me And when I finally saw you later on, I barely recognized your face There ain't no good that ever came of trying I am the man I am and that's about it A man lives long and he changes some But every man that he becomes Is just another portrait from the paint he started with So if you stick around, you stick around And if you don't, you don't, and sure I'll cry But there ain't no way that I can say That it's right or wrong for you to stay We only do the things we do and then attach the reasons why There ain't no good that every came of pushing You're the woman that you are and nothing more I keep trying to pull you so close to me Now I've failed enough that I can see That a pull is still a push against a wall that's still a door And there ain't no good that ever came of romance But baby, I don't do it to be good My kind of love likes to scream and curse And baby, you bring out my worst And it's fair enough to say I should do better But it ain't fair to say I could So if you stick around, you stick around And if you don't, you don't, and I'll be sad as hell, as you well know But a life don't make no promises For dreams come true or happiness We only do the things we do and it just goes the way it goes
12.
She asks me, "The choir... You believe in the choir How do you believe in the choir When you don't believe in the song? How do you believe in forever When you don't believe in too long?" She asks me, "A prayer... You believe in a prayer How do you believe in a prayer When you don't believe in a wish? How do you believe in hands When you don't believe in fists?" She asks me, "Ghosts... You believe in ghosts How do you believe in ghosts When you don't believe in dead? When a ghost believes instead In farther and farther away? How do you believe in me When you don't hear a word I say?" She asks me, "This fire... You believe in this fire How do you believe in this fire When you don't believe in the ash? When you don't believe in a wish For some smoke and a train and a track?" I ask her, "Believe in meet again... I ask her, "Believe in meet again..." And she asks me, "How do I believe in meet again When I don't believe in come back?"
13.
Goes 03:45
Here goes nothing, here goes nothing, here goes nothing And I'm walking out the door Wondering what I waited for And why I keep wishing you would just talk to me more When I never believe the things you say There's the reasons that we give Then there's the reasons that gave us the way we are A pair of human bumper cars Who keep believing they could drive so far Someday, someday, someday And here goes nothing And nothing follows I've got no more tears to cry And I've got nothing left to try So here it goes By our natures we were butchers But once we caught the perfume of decay We wept, why must it be this way? We've always trusted that this bloodlust would just let us live To bleed another day I once believe in fate, I once believed in you I once believed in every shade of gray I did not believe in anything, now I believe in nothing You can go on believing in forever if you need to I don't believe in even one more day And here goes nothing And nothing follows I've got not more tears to cry And I've got nothing left to try So here it goes There's the nothing that is nothing Then there's the nothing that's a hunger in your heart With teeth that tear your tears apart Then there's the nothing that's this perfect work of art That holds us all Yes, I miss you and I miss you and I miss you And you ain't no good for me As we have proved repeatedly But we were babies who went swimming out to sea Before we'd even learned to crawl Here goes nothing, here goes nothing, here goes nothing Here goes nothing once and for all Got both our backs against the hallway wall, for lack of photographs But the big picture shows, there was no wedding Just a costume ball And here goes nothing And nothing follows I've got no more tears to cry And I've got nothing left to try So here it goes
14.
I see you shining like a child, like a diamond in the sky And they named you for the starlight that boats are guided by And I hoped that you might be the one to show me to true North But a star that shines so bright will lead a sailor from his course They say the stars that meet men's eyes have crossed a million miles and years And you always were so far away whenever you were near Still I hoped that you might be the one the fates had given me to O, but I was born beneath a star much nearer, dear, than you Goodnight starlight, goodnight starlight, the moon is sad and gray I see you shining, even though you are a million miles away Goodbye starlight, goodbye starlight, your starlight is so slow I see you shining, though you were gone a million years ago You shine for me so constantly, I do not understand How even now you shine as though our night had never ended You shine for me so easily, but a man can't hold the sky And I must fall and find the earth again, goodbye starlight, goodbye Goodnight starlight, goodnight starlight, the moon is sad and gray I see you shining, even though you are a million miles away Goodbye starlight, goodbye starlight, your starlight is so slow I see you shining, though you were gone a million years ago Goodnight starlight, goodnight starlight, we shone the best we could The dawn is breaking soon and the aching of the day will do us good Goodbye starlight, goodbye starlight, your starlight stays so long And I'm still wishing for the same bright star that I've been wishing on
15.
Just as sure as the stars up above us bless the fortunes that they tell And just as sure as the good Lord loves us and wants us to do well As sure as our desire is for grace and goodness in all that we do And just as sure as I'm a liar, darling, I'll be true Just as sure as the light of man's science will cure the darkness of his soul The hungry fed, the violent soothed, each aching heart made whole As sure as this old tired world will one day be made new And just as sure as I'm a liar, darling, I'll be true Just as sure as the good will prevail Just as sure as death won't be the end Just as sure as our dreams never fail us Just as sure as you can count on a friend Just as sure as things happen for reasons Just as sure as there's a plan Just as sure as there be no treason in the heart of a simple man Just as sure as the love of a woman brings a man comfort and quiets his hate And just as sure as the love of a good woman makes his crooked pathways straight As sure as there's a fire that burns for you and only you And just as sure as I'm a liar, darling, I'll be true
16.
When I first met you, you seemed like such a smart girl You like Woody Allen, Cole Porter and Camus But ever since we made it, you wanna have these little heart-to-hearts, girl And now you don't like nothin' except hearing that I like you too The more you love me the stupider you sound Seems like you're always talking like a fool when we start fooling 'round It don't mean nothin' but a chance to lay my weary body down The more you love me the stupider you sound I just don't get you, it ain't worth all of that cognition Any girl in town'll tell you, I ain't no Nobel prize Sure, I could write whole novels of sweet nothings, they'd still be nothings One part black humor, two parts little white lies The more you love me the stupider you sound Seems like you're always talking like a fool when we start fooling 'round It don't mean nothing but a chance to lay me weary body down The more you love me the stupider you sound
17.
You know this life is short and shabby, girl, so don't be shy Got sixty years or so to say hello, the rest is all goodbye See, everybody loves you, baby, why can't I? And Lord, the night is so long If love is mother-may-I, death is yes-you-may You're goddamned right I'm lonely, everybody's born that way And you're goddamned right I'm desperate, like there's no escape And Lord, the night is so long Time, time will change your mind Girl, you think that body's just gonna age like wine Well, sooner than you think you're gonna find, find, find out Why the night is so long It's a lousy world we live in, girl, so don't hedge your bets You know you're always guaranteed at least a lifetime of regrets 'Til one fine day the darkness come and clear our debts And Lord, the night is so long If I make it up to heaven for my big debut Maybe, honey, I'll put in a good word for you See, it ain't who you know, baby, it's how you knew And Lord, the night is so long
18.
Cry for Me 03:37
Cry for me, lady, be my mourning dove In a world this filled with sorrow, you can never cry enough Just for me, there's no one listening up above There ain't no God in heaven, at least not one of love Pray for me, that his name may comfort you You just might be forgiven for this sinful thing we do Pray for me, the way I pray for you With that name divine, just nevermind which gods I'm praying to See that angel, darling, dressed in black Where nature waits to take her treasures back Lady, don't it just break your heart to know That what you get is what you see So honey, cry for me Cry for me, and maybe this old world might be redeemed You know the one thing that we all fear most is the one thing guaranteed Can't you see, there ain't no prize for your good deeds And these sins are all just exercise if you won't cry for me Here comes that devil, darling, dressed in white Tonight's the night two sinners see the light And lady, don't it just break your heart to know That what you get is what you see So honey, cry for me
19.
I used to say such sweet things to you You'd be amazed what words can do I'd say the password and win a prize I was a master of disguise When I was better than true I used to say I loved just you I used to say the same thing to the other girl too Without the lies there's only truth And who would be so ruthless As to take your dreams from you We play the part we have to play And let the tears fall where they may Because if everything must be confessed You really weren't my best That's just a thing I say You used to say you loved me too No, what you love is a cheap cliché in an expensive suit But think how happy we were then I was the very best of men When I was better than true
20.
I don't believe in love, I don't believe in duty That's just for folks who get their kicks from sneaking 'round What I believe in is the way we ache at beauty And in the pains we take to drag that beauty down And how I ache, I ache, I ache, seeing your body And it must make you feel so clean to feel forlorn I don't believe, I don't believe you, that you're sorry But then, your mercy isn't what I came here for So let's go faith to faith, the one grace I believe in Before you're forgiven for all our crimes 'Cause if it's dust to dust, then let's just trust this breathing Let me believe in your body one more time I don't believe in love, I don't believe in duty They're just the showbiz names for boredom and despair What I believe in is the way we ache at beauty And in the pains we take to lay that beauty bare So let's go faith to faith, the one grace I believe in Before you're forgiven for all our crimes 'Cause if it's dust to dust, then let's just trust this breathing Let me believe in your body one more time
21.
I know the game, I know the rules They made it famous in the Paris school Back when love was free Of course, we came to it quite late Love loved its last way back in 'sixty-eight Now it's an industry Still, we were both born to be free Both born the prisoners of philosophy Mine for you and yours for me And I make no claim upon your kiss We were both born free to feel like this All wrecked with jealousy I know the rules, we both agreed I know it's not supposed to bother me Where you may've stayed last night And I know the truth might set you free But all the truth has ever done for me Is kill my appetite Can't you lie, lie, lie, darling, lie to me Can't you lie, lie, lie, darling, lie to me Like it's only me Lie, lie, lie, darling, lie to me I didn't come here for your honesty Of course, we came to it quite late No longer love, but loss, that felt like fate And that great big closed account And I'd already had a wife Had paid the state to mate for life And to this day I wonder if I made it out alive And that's the only wisdom I've acquired The sting that lingers from the fire The rings on fingers and the yokes on necks We each get burned, and so it goes And anymore I do not care to know Which one's the second sex Can't you lie, lie, lie, darling, lie to me Can't you lie, lie, lie, darling, lie to me Make me believe Lie, lie, lie, darling, lie to me I didn't come here for your honesty
22.
Drop 04:09
In the deep dark apartment near the city park Your whole heart spread open like a toad Pilgrim be brave, she's the very sort of soul you'd save A special favor for your favorite god O sweet repeat offense, the skin taking fingerprints Your star witness singing like a dove Pilgrim play nice, she's the kind of lamb you'd sacrifice It comes from someplace deeper than your love Take your silence of vows Boy, you ought to know by now You'll never stop Everybody drop In the deep dark, where good intentions miss their mark Your old heart's not as sturdy as you'd thought Pilgrim get real, it's not the pangs of guilt you feel It's just the good old fashioned fear of getting caught And here's the short list of states of grace that don't exist A pure bliss, a deed without regret Lady don't wake, everything's for form's sake These days it takes so very little to forget Now why so strange? Boy, you know you'll never change You know you'll never stop Everybody, everybody drop Boy, bite your tongue How'd you think you stay so young? How you ever gonna stop?
23.
You fucked it up big, this time it's for good You cheated her again, just like her friends all said you would And in the wreckage you can see it now, how much you needed her all these years But you used up all your credit, and she's spent all her tears Too little too late, too little too late The sun burns with vengeance, the moon's white with hate Ain't no leaf to turn over, there ain't no face to save When you can't recognize an angel 'til she spits on your grave Old Michael the junkie wants to borrow your phone He's been trying to call his mama, he's clean now, wants to come home Been leaving messages all morning, thinks she's probably at the store But there ain't no one home there for old Michael no more Too little too late, too little too late The sun don't shine for you, my friend, the moon's white with hate Ain't no leaf to turn over, there ain't no face to save When you can't recognize an angel 'til she spits on your grave
24.
I'm holding in my hand a hair from your head I've folded it in cloth I took from my bed A shred of my pillow streaked red with your lipstick So you can be my girl Last night I dreamed you wouldn't sleep here no more You were sleeping in that place you used to sleep in before Four in the morning, I tore apart the bedsheets So you can be my girl I'm placing these pieces of you in a bowl With a drop of my blood and a red hot coal Your soul, my soul, we smolder together So you can be my girl I'm speaking your name, I'm speaking my name I'm making you, making me, making us the same I'm trembling, I'm blowing on embers, blowing kisses So you can be my girl
25.
Back then the sun was an angry dream The drone of downtown's black soundtrack of steam And you with your hair cut close Like a martyr in the martyr's favorite pose Back then we both were more corporeal More real, I think, than the things we claimed to feel The terms were the terms I trusted The ash in ash, the dustiness of dust And the summer spoke your body like a rhyme "Love me in the summertime, the summertime The summer, summertime..." By now you see how the restless, wretched souls of men Become the butchers of their bodies But back then you were cursed with the Christian grief And I longed to set your perfect flesh free Maybe these days you'd understand How the years decrease both supply and demand Even our Lamb of loss Became holiest as bread and wine and cross And the summer spoke your body like a rhyme "Love me in the summertime, the summertime The summer..." And sometimes this body speaks that summer like a rhyme "Love me in the summertime, the summertime The summer, sometime..."
26.
Sepia Song 03:09
Young girl, young girl, what makes your eyes so cold? And where has your young man gone, so burdened and so bold? The years drag by, certain things you come to know The sin of ugliness, the shame of growing old I loved you so fairly, I loved you so fair I loved you like I was the only one there The years drag by, too many years to care About where it all went wrong, it all goes wrong somewhere I loved you so fiercely, I loved you so free I held your body like it was made of me The years drag by, 'til the years are all you see Just one long loneliness where two lonelinesses should be Young girl, young girl, what makes your eyes so cold? And where has your young man gone, so burdened and so bold? The years drag by, it turns out just the way they told you The sin of ugliness, the shame of growing old
27.
Baby, you know love keeps a rhythm like a failing heart It goes stop, start, stop, start The way we keep getting closer 'til we fall all apart And I'm waiting, I'm waiting for the phone Now baby, I've been following the bouncing ball Seen it rise and fall and rise and fall The way you ache for me 'til you don't want me at all And I'm waiting, I'm waiting for the phone Hear that scratch at the glass, hear that howl and moan It's your loyal boy, baby, been begging for a bone He's been banging that hammer on a pile of stones And it's a lousy life, lady, trying to love you all alone Baby, you know love keeps a rhythm like a failing heart It goes stop, start, stop, start, stop and start And I"m starving to the skin, like your sick work of art And I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting... Here comes the ring of the bell, here comes the jerk of the leash You lay the feast upon the table while I'm whining underneath How long you think that you can keep it just out of reach Before the boy starts barking and baring his teeth? You know love keeps a rhythm like a failing heart It goes stop, start, stop
28.
I guess she must me in Madrid by now, and the pangs have just begun You know they say the only cure for growing old is dating young And the only cure for youth, I hear, is somewhere overseas I pray thee, god of longing, bring my lover back to me She's dancing in Vienna to a tiny minuet She's strewn all her belongings on the south bank of forgetting O, we give pet names to our cruelties, "letting go", "setting free" I pray thee, god of longing, bring my lover back to me I'd like to offer this confession of a dirty old man's disgrace Age thirty, still at the mercy of these bohemian clichés Do I pray thee make me young again or pray thee save me face? As she runs among those native tongues all waiting turns to take their taste And there she is in Dresden, by the river yet again It's all there in the photograph, but who's behind the lens? Do I pray thee make me young again or pray thee let me be? I pray thee, god of longing, bring my lover back to me

about

A double-album, raw and intimate, in the just-a-guy-and-a-guitar format.

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released November 7, 2013

D.G. Scherrer - voice, guitar, whistling, snapping

Recorded late one night in June by jalipaz at audioconfusion.
Mixed by jalipaz.
Mastered by Carl Saff at Saff Mastering.

All songs (c) 2011 D.G. Scherrer.

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D.G. Scherrer, the voice that lost its man Phoenix, Arizona

D.G. Scherrer is a singer-songwriter and award-winning poet. He began writing songs when he was 12 years old, singing for a punk band. Since then he has become a songwriter's songwriter, crafting dark, catchy, lyrically sophisticated tunes in the tradition of Cohen and Van Zandt. Still, the vitriol of punk lingers in his songs, as well as in the sheer volume of his voice when he roars a chorus. ... more

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